Halloweddings: Trick or treat?

This year (and by "this", I really mean "last"), rather than rummaging through the stalls at Owino market, perusing the mannequin heads of one of Kampala's many wig shops, or hunting through the deepest, darkest depths of each other's closets for the makings of the perfect Halloween costumes, Leanne, Emma, Anthony, Ali and I packed dresses and heels and suits and ties in preparation for Daudi and Maureen's white wedding ceremony.

Despite my overly American, highly superstitious warnings against the October 31st nuptials, the destined duo held fast to their ominous date, and the five of us piled in a Prado and set off for the luxurious Mweya Safari Lodge in Queen Elizabeth national park. What follows is a belated and abbreviated run down of our trip, cursed before even beginning by the goblins and ghouls that I'm now convinced exist worldwide to ensure that displaced Americans still show the proper respect to this haunted holiday.

Friday, October 30th

Dreary, drizzly day. We leave right on Ugandan time (2+ hours after our estimated time of departure).

Wake up from my snooze half an hour or so later to discover we are clipping along at an alarming speed. Exchange concerned glances with Leanne and Emma. Consider sending emergency contact information back to friends in Kampala.

Windscreen fogs over completely. Anthony wipes it down with pages from that day's New Vision as Ali, undaunted, maintains speed. Eyeballs enormous, I look at Leanne at Emma and wish I'd registered with the US Embassy.

Check engine light makes it presence known, peculiar noises emanate from important parts of the car, and - half with a sigh of relief, half with an increased heart rate - we pull over to the side of the road.

Smoke pours out the front end as we scramble from the car, Leanne and I running unnecessarily long distances in the opposite direction - Leanne without any shoes.

Ali and Anthony reassure us with their looks of confidence and complete command over the situation.
The gents finally say something about needing water, I unhelpfully thrust my near-empty 500ml bottle of Rwenzori in their direction and receive crazy looks as they head off to borrow a jerrycan from a nearby family.

Two beautiful girls approach to see what all the commotion's about (p.s. - all pics compliments of Leanne).

Shorter of the beauties has her towel stolen to aid in the car cooling process.

Rain continues and cars fly by, proffering us puddles but no assistance.

Eventually re-enter car, putt to the closest town, park the car in a petrol station for a tune-up, and Leanne, Emma and I shrug our shoulders and head off in search of food.

Feast on roasted maize and rolex', the latter of which will be the cause of one pictured party's digestive problems over the next 72 hours.

Resume journey with caution, check into overpriced guest house for the night.

Realize my bed doesn't have sheets.

Saturday, October 31st

Wake to discover Leanne and I are both allergic to something in the room. She teeters on the edge of an asthma attack while my eyeballs blaze.

Eat "breakfast", which lacks a toaster, milk for tea and coffee, and, well, food.

Pull over for repair #2.

Fall a little bit in love with this restaurant, and wish we'd eaten here instead.

Pay a kabillion shillings more than the guys to get into the park, even though Leanne and I are both East African residents.

See no animals as we drive the 7k through Queen Elizabeth into Mweya Safari Lodge.

Get tricked into paying too much to stay at the treat when there's a very nice, very reasonably priced place next door.

Have our lunch eaten by birds.

Get all gussied up, receive invites from the men sitting at the bar to the wedding we're already attending, take prom pictures.

Struggle to keep a straight face as the local pastor gives a sermon about being untied, as opposed to the more traditional, "united".

Daudi and Maureen wow us with top hats, tails and trains (to be fair, the wedding itself was stunning).

Service ends rather abruptly as the heavens dump their plumbing and guests dash inside,

chairs and decorations in tow. MC threatens to make people perform if he catches us sitting. Others ignore the warning while I spend most of my time standing in fear.

Sunday, November 1st

See no animals as we drive the 7k out of the park.

Stop for repair #3.

Give up and rent a matatu to take us back to Kampala.

Buy a can of Pringles for lunch.

Can of Pringles dumps all over the floor.

Leanne remains in good spirits. I plot revenge against the spirits.

Arrive in Kampala.

Vow never again to attend a Hallowedding.

(I have since registered with the US Embassy in Kampala. Leanne and I have still not given Daudi and Maureen a wedding present.)